The Sorcerer's Appendix

  THE SORCERER’S APPENDIX

  A BROTHERS GRIMM MYSTERY

  P. J. BRACKSTON

  For my sister-in-law, Chris: a woman of many talents, not the least of which has been managing my brother all these years.

  THE SORCERER’S APPENDIX

  CONTENTS

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  NINETEEN

  TWENTY

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ONE

  Gretel raised her hand to lift the heavy iron door knocker but a niggling sense of foreboding caused her to hesitate. It was not apprehension of the variety that might make her pivot upon her kitten heel and hasten away, nor a cold dread that could freeze her, statue-like and statuesque, to the spot. It was merely a niggle, a twinge, a small but annoying twitch of anxiety that made her pause. Both knocker and house gave every appearance of being commonplace and workaday. Nevertheless, this was the home of a sorcerer, and that was sufficient to put Gretel on edge.

  Or at least, it was the home of a late sorcerer, which was the reason for her visit, for she was calling upon the magician’s widow in answer to a request for her services as a private detective in order to discover the truth behind the man’s untimely demise. The fact that there was no longer a sorcerer in residence, however, did not mean that his presence in the house did not, in one way or another, linger. In Gretel’s experience, sorcerers never passed up the opportunity to wrong-foot a person. It was not, in truth, a profession that she viewed with much admiration. Sorcerers, to her mind, were little more than tricksters, pranksters, men of scant talent and even less magic, who made their living by sleight of hand, clumsy illusions, and conjuring tricks. They parted the gullible from their money—a fact that at least earned them Gretel’s grudging respect—and delighted in nothing better than showing off. But she could forgive their lack of any real ability with magic. She could even tolerate their questionable money-making practices. What she could not forgive, what had actually been known to make her wince, was their appalling fashion sense. They were always to be found indulging an ill-advised fondness for excessive facial hair, swathed in purple satin, splattered with stars and moons, hems trailing dangerously, their every outfit droopy of sleeve and pointy of hat. Such sartorial crimes made Gretel break out in a rash.

  But business was business. Her services were requested, there was work to be done, and therefore money to be made. She must put aside her petty dislikes and personal opinions, at least until the job was secured. She comforted herself with the fact that the man was dead, and therefore unlikely to be wearing anything so offensive ever again.

  Taking a deep breath, she lifted the lion’s paw knocker and rapped hard on the door. No irritating trickery ensued. Instead, there came the sound of locks being undone, and the door was opened by a wafer-thin woman of indeterminate age and a faded loveliness, whose tearstained face and morose countenance suggested she was the widow of the deceased.

  “Frau Arnold? I am Fraulein Gretel, come at your own behest. My condolences and good morning to you.”

  “Oh! You received the … the parcel, then?” The woman’s voice was as insubstantial as her frame. She wept silently as she spoke, tears not so much brimming and spilling as just plain leaking from her. Gretel felt a fleeting moment of pity for the flimsy creature, which was quickly replaced by impatience. That the woman was shaken by her loss was understandable, but did she have to be so off-puttingly lachrymose about it?

  “Indeed I did. Its contents were both disturbing and interesting.”

  At this Widow Arnold cried a little harder. She gestured for Gretel to step into the house.

  The interior was every bit as ghastly as Gretel had feared. They passed through a short hallway strewn with mirrors and crystals and faux magic artifacts, and entered a modest reception room. This was decorated as though it were the great hall of some gothic castle. Sadly, it did not have the proportions to carry off such an ambitious look, and the scruffiness of the furnishings gave the whole place a down-at-heel feel. The midnight-blue ceiling seemed to press down upon anyone standing beneath it, despite the proliferation of spangly stars it boasted. The bulky, carved wooden chairs and tatty, oversized velvet sofa filled the space so that Gretel was forced to sit, there not being sufficient width of clear Persian carpet to accommodate her fashionably full skirts were she to stand. She took out her pocket notebook and pencil, promising herself that a small portion of the fees she was about to begin earning would purchase a new silver case for what were, after all, some of the tools of her trade.

  “If I am to take on the case, Frau Arnold …”

  “Oh! Say you will, for I am quite desperate!”

  “… merely a few questions first. All perfectly normal in such cases.”

  “Oh! Such cases?”

  Gretel began to suspect that her new client might start all her sentences with an exclamation. “Such cases as this, in as much as although there is a suspected murder, there is no body.”

  The widow gave a little wail.

  Gretel pressed on. “At least, not much of one.”

  The widow gave a louder wail.

  Gretel drew back. “Let us first bring our attention to bear on the more … on the plainer facts. For it is facts that will solve this case, as they have solved many others.”

  If Widow Arnold had any thoughts on this comment she kept them to herself.

  Gretel proceeded, cautiously. “Your husband … Ernst Arnold?” When the widow nodded she continued. “He went into his workshop …”

  “Oh! He didn’t like the word ‘workshop.’ He called it his magicarium.”

  “His … ? Very well, he went into his magicarium at what time?”

  “Oh, it was right after breakfast. He said he was going to be working on some new spells, and that he was not to be disturbed. I recall that very clearly because I asked him if that meant I couldn’t take him his luncheon, and he told me that I could not, so I said well, then I’d better pack a meal for him to take with him, because nobody works well without luncheon …”

  Gretel allowed her client to gabble on, having lost interest in what she was saying beyond the second mention of luncheon. Widow Arnold’s wits may very well have fled along with the greater part of her late husband’s body, but she was right about the importance of feeding the mind if it was to perform well. And at that precise moment, Gretel felt a dip in her own levels of performance. The clock in the square struck twelve, which meant that somebody somewhere would be eating something, and alas it was not her. At last the widow came to a full stop. Gretel hauled her attention back to the case.

  “So he remained working alone for the day. At what time did you notice that anything was amiss?”

  “Oh, tea time. Ernst was very particular about his tea. We always took it together at half past four, and though he was determined to work though his midday meal, he said nothing at all about foregoing our tea.” She made no attempt to staunch the flow of her tears as she spoke. Gretel decided then and there that whatever facts remained as yet obscured, one thing shone with dazzling clarity: Frau Arnold was besotted with her husband and could be crossed off the list of possible suspects. In fact, Gretel had serious doubts about the woman’s ability to cope without her husband. Which led her to her next set of questions.

  “Tell me, was your husband a successful sorcerer?”

  “Oh ye
s,” she nodded, pride shining through her tears. “Extremely.” Gretel glanced around at the contents of the room but could see no evidence of wealth that might bear out her client’s assertion.

  “And now that he is no longer able to work,” Gretel trod as gently as she was able, “has he left you well provided for?”

  For once, Frau Arnold did not utter her habitual exclamation, but sat up a little straighter and clutched her pocket handkerchief a little tighter. Her expression could not have been said to actually harden, but it did seem to firm up a smidgen around the edges.

  “Ernst was both careful and clever. He told me many times not to worry about money, and that he would always see to it that our needs were met. He even said that … should anything terrible happen to him,” here she took a wobbly breath, “I was not to fret over my income for he had taken out an insurance policy that would keep me more than comfortable. Only now the insurance company don’t want to give me my money.”

  “Ah.”

  “They don’t think he was murdered at all! They are saying they will not give me my money without a … without poor Ernst’s body.” She fell to weeping again with such emotion that she was quite unable to speak.

  Gretel was not surprised to hear of the insurer’s stance. When she had received the letter from Frau Arnold along with the only remnant of her husband—the sorcerer’s appendix—her first thought had been eew! and her second had been show me the insurer who will pay out on that! She attempted to console the widow.

  “It is customary for insurers to prevaricate and set obstacles in the path of those who have a perfect right to demand payment. Rest assured, Frau Arnold, I am here to sweep away their protestations and overcome those obstacles.”

  “Oh, you are? You can? Only, they are saying his death was the result of a magic trick gone wrong, and he’s not covered for that.”

  “You are certain they are incorrect?”

  “Ernst was such a good sorcerer! And he would never do anything dangerous, he would not risk his own life, for he knew how dear he was to me, and that to lose him would mean a lifetime of heartbreak for me,” she insisted, her words rising to a squeak.

  “Quite so. In which case, murder would appear the only logical assumption. But who would want to murder your husband? Had he enemies?”

  “Oh, there was so much jealousy in the Sorcerers’ Circle! It is a highly competitive profession, you know. Anyone as successful as Ernst, well, he was bound to make others feel inferior.”

  Gretel made some notes. Happy clients. Unhappy colleagues. Insurance company behaving as one might expect. It wasn’t a great deal to go on. She decided it best to address the prickly topic of fees then and there. “There is one further matter we must discuss before I proceed …”

  “Oh, then you will definitely take the case?”

  “… the question of my remuneration. I think you will find my fees competitive,” she said, beginning her usual defense, safe in the knowledge that there was no competition to be found within thirty leagues of Gesternstadt, “and that it is standard practice to request an up-front payment, to cover expenditures incurred, you understand, followed by further payments culminating in the final installment when the case is solved to your satisfaction.”

  “Oh, but I have nothing to give you now.”

  “What, nothing?”

  “Ernst and I recently enjoyed a vacation away, you see, such a lovely time. He knew he would make more money upon our return, only … he never had the chance …”

  Gretel narrowed her eyes. Either Widow Arnold was a simpleton, or else a highly skilled actress, manipulative and calculating.

  “Ernst said if I was happy he was happy, and he knew how much I delighted in pretty clothes and treats.”

  Manipulative?

  “And he always agreed that if he was happy he did his best work, so spending money on my happiness was an investment!”

  Calculating?

  “And look,” Frau Arnold brightened for a moment as she turned to pick up a figurine from the table beside her. “He bought me this. We found it in a little shop in a tiny village while we were on our vacation. I had thought to have a ring to celebrate our time together, something with a sparkle to it. A diamond, perhaps. But Ernst saw this and said to me that it was so darling and sweet it reminded him of me and of how much he loved me and there could be no more perfect gift. See? Is it not so very much better than a silly old diamond?”

  Gretel lifted her silver lorgnettes from their resting place upon her bosom the better to inspect the roughly made, poorly painted, lumpen china ornament that appeared to be a knock-kneed ballerina who had at some time in her life suffered both rickets and smallpox. It was an object of such singular hideousness that it hurt Gretel’s eyes to look at it.

  Simpleton.

  She got to her feet. She knew she had a choice; she could refuse the case, go home, and forget about the sorcerer, or she could agree to take the case and work without pay for weeks in the hope of solving it and getting the insurance company to pay out so that she, in turn, would be paid. It irked her to realize that in fact this was no choice at all. The money from her most recent case would not last forever. They were nearing the end of summer. Brutal winter winds would soon blow down from the Zugspitze, and she had no wish to face them without funds for sufficient food and fuel to see herself and Hans through to spring. She took a breath.

  “Very well, Frau Arnold, I accept the case and we shall agree special terms, given the unusual circumstances, which I will outline later. Now, if you would be so kind as to show me your late husband’s magicarium?”

  The sorcerer’s place of work was a small building at the far end of the garden behind the house. As Gretel approached it she found she had to keep fending off the word “shed.” It was, at least, built of stone rather than wood, and its owner’s penchant for medieval-revival architecture had endowed it with an arched doorway, an arch above its single, pointy window, and even a rather lonely turret. Despite Ernst Arnold’s best efforts, however, the proportions, the lowness of the roof, the ill-fitting door, and lack of space within all pretty much shouted “shed!” Gretel persuaded the widow to leave her alone to look for clues. She had grown weary of the woman’s weeping, and besides, there was precious little space in which an unnecessary person might hover.

  The walls were lined with shelves that were in turn lined with either books of spells, or jars of heaven-knew-what. There were wands and crystal balls and astrological charts and all manner of sorcerous paraphernalia. At the center was a long, narrow table. It was set out to resemble some sort of laboratory bench for grand and dangerous spells, but Gretel was fairly certain she had seen Hans use one just like it when he had decorated the hallway at home. All in all, the feeling was of corners cut and pennies pinched. Every item looked adequate at first glance, but closer inspection revealed everything to be cheap and of poor quality. She saw no evidence to support Frau Arnold’s assertion that her husband had been a successful man.

  Gretel voiced her thoughts aloud in the shabby space. “It would appear that the great sorcerer’s greatest illusion was to convince people of his own greatness.”

  She noticed that the central table was clear in the center, as if a large object had been set upon it. Quite possibly a body. Peering through her lorgnettes she discerned small stains that were in all probability blood. The floor was free of such blemishes, however. She wondered at this. The only remnant of the hapless sorcerer had been a part of his innards. And if innards became outards there was usually a fair amount of gore to show for it. It was almost as if the murderer had taken care in obtaining the body part. How then had he, or she, actually killed the victim? If indeed the victim had been killed. Gretel had to keep her mind open to the possibility that the insurers were right, and that the disappearance of Ernst Arnold was the consequence of bungled magic.

  She strode about the room, looking for clues. Few presented themselves. The door had been found locked, according to Widow Arnol
d; the window remained closed and unbroken. Gretel kept in mind what Frau Arnold had told her of discovering her husband’s remnant and nothing else. When she had received no word of reply from him through the door, she explained, she had fetched the spare key from her jewelry case and gained entry. It must have been a terrifying moment when she realized what she was looking at, and that the rest of her beloved husband was nowhere to be seen.

  There were no signs of struggle or violence of any sort, save for the patches of dried blood, which were no more than might have been produced by a minor nosebleed. If someone had taken the trouble to murder the sorcerer, remove and leave behind his appendix, and take the body away, they had done so with considerable care, and without, it appeared, causing any panic or thrashing around on the part of the victim. A fast-acting intoxicant, perhaps? A swift blow to the head? But delivered by whom? And for what reason? Experience had taught Gretel that motive provided the biggest clue of all. At that moment, those with a possible reason for such an action fell into three categories: clients, colleagues, and everybody else. As the last of these groups was the most difficult to tackle, Gretel decided to start with the first and work through the second, hoping that there would be no need to contemplate the third.

  She was at the point of leaving the magicarium when she experienced a strong feeling that she was being watched. She stood very still, listening hard, casting her glance about the place, trying to ignore the ticklish sensation of the hairs at the nape of her neck rising. She could neither see nor hear anything that might be capable of gazing at her, if you didn’t count the four eyeballs in a jar on the top shelf over the window, which she chose not to. She waited a moment longer. Nothing appeared, yet the unpleasant sensation did not diminish. At last she decided it was of no significance and left the room with a harrumph. She made her way across the garden, where the August sun beat briefly upon her head, and into the house. She obtained from Frau Arnold her husband’s engagement book, which recorded all his clients’ names and details, along with occasions on which he carried out work for them. She also asked for the most recent yearbook of the Sorcerers’ Circle. She was on the point of leaving when the surprisingly sensible and commonplace door knocker announced the arrival of Kingsman Kapitan Strudel. He stepped into the hallway and greeted Gretel with his customary warm scowl.